Albatross
by Magi Silverwolf
Summary: Tony knew he was more than most people were willing to put up with. It would have been unreasonable to expect anyone to put up with him for too long, especially if they weren't getting anything out of it. Rhodey knew that for as much as Tony was a genius, he was also really an idiot when it came to seeing just how important he was. (AceFest2K18; StL fill)


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the original canon nor am I making any profit from writing this piece. All works are accredited to their original authors, performers, and producers while this piece is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. I acknowledge that all views and opinions expressed herein are merely my interpretations of the characters and situations found within the original canon and may not reflect the views and opinions of the original author(s), producer(s), and/or other people.

 **Warnings:** This story may contain material that is not suitable for all audiences and may offend some readers. In particular, there are the standard host of Tony-centric issues (especially focused on the MIT Era set) and his thoughts may be triggering for abuse survivors and AT people with depression & anxiety. There is also blatant mention of past homophobic policies of the United States Military Forces. Please utilize understanding of personal sensitivities before and while reading.

 **Author's Note (Trivia Time):** Interesting bit of trivia, but albatross were considered to be both a sign of good and horrible fortune. They are huge birds, like seagulls on super soldier serum, and while totally cool most of the time, if you managed to piss one off, you had better how you could out run it because it will definitely fuck you up. They're also the bird from the legend of Halcyon, where he tamed the wild ocean waves to give them a place to nest.

 **Author's Note:** So, um, I learned a new term recently, which just goes to show that you can be actively involved in advocacy and activism work for the queer community for over a decade and still learn things. I had heard it before, of course, but the timing had never been right to _ask_ and honestly, I kept forgetting to indulge the urge to google it. The term was _queer platonic relationship_ , which kind of hit all the points on the checklist for my _friendship without boundaries_ shtick including the issues it can cause finding a more romantic-orientated relationship. So, should we introduce the ship name _Iron Zucchinis_?

 **Challenge/Competition Block:** (Fandom AceFest 2K18; Sky's the Limit 2018) **  
Fill Number:** 03  
 **Subverted Romance Trope(s):** Bed Sharing; Dramatic Declaration of Love **  
Representation(s):** Asexuality; Queer Platonic Relationship; Autism  
 **Bonus Challenge(s):** Unicorn (Asexuality); Second Verse (Wabi Sabi) **  
Word Count:** 3506 (Story Only); 3527 (Story & Epigraph)

-= LP =-  
Albatross  
-= LP =-  
"How can those who live in the light of day possibly comprehend the depths of night?"  
– Friedrich Nietzsche  
-= LP =-

The first time Tony slept with Rhodey happened was the very first night they had met. Rhodey hadn't been kidding about putting him to bed, like Tony was five or something. To be perfectly honest, when the guy had ducked out of the bathroom to get a notebook to record the code on Tony had been scribbling on the mirror because that's where he had been when he had been struck by the inspiration for it, Tony hadn't been expecting to see him again. It would have been fair. Tony would have understood. The guy had already made it clear that he hadn't recognized who Tony was and that he had no interested in other _activities_. What else did Tony have to offer anyone?

It had been a little shocking when Rhodey had returned, notebook and pens in hand just as promised.

It had been even more so later when Rhodey taken Tony to his dorm room (which was ridiculously _tiny_ compared to Tony's apartment across campus) and dumped him on the bed before crawling in with him. There were only so many positions that two people could sleep in on a singleton, especially when one of them had shoulders like a linebacker. There were even less when said linebacker-esque person _insisted_ that laying half on top of the other was a necessary security feature.

Tony hadn't been able to remember the last time that he had actually _slept_ with someone, let alone without sex being involved.

It had been nice, with just the right amount of extra body and a surprising feeling of _safety_.

Rhodey wasn't a complete bother either, even if he had boring ideas about the proper use of a bed.

-= LP =-

Sleeping with Rhodey became a _thing_ surprisingly quickly.

Worse, it became _habit_ quickly, to the point that when Rhodey went back to Philadelphia for Thanksgiving, Tony spent the week unable to sleep. The only time he managed to get even a few hours was after he had stumbled home, drunk and unfulfilled, from a frat party. Assuming that the problem was just loneliness, Tony had decided to actually go home for Christmas.

Honestly, Tony didn't remember much between Jarvis sitting him down after their Christmas dinner to tell him what the doctors had said about the procession of his issues with his kidneys and waking up next to Rhodey a few days before the start of term. Rhodey didn't say much about the state he had found Tony in, beyond scolding him about being drunk at his own son's birth (which hit closer to home than Rhodey could have known) and a pointed reminder about the likelihood of drunk science being the eventual cause of the end of the world. Most of what Rhodey said was spoken with his actions, with his presence.

It was nice, having him about more, even if he did like teaching Dummy things that had _nothing_ to do with lab protocols and encouraging the bot's obsession with spraying things.

It felt comfortable and stirred memories of another scientist who had seen the world as an endless source of wonder and who had no problem with Tony's occasional periods where words were too difficult to make or when they were too much to hold inside. It had been years since Tony had been able to default to signing and trust that someone would be able to still follow his attempt to talk his way through a scientific problem. Dr. Wilkes had been gone for years, having died a couple years after Ana, but there were moments when the lessons Tony had learned from the man were the most relevant to the struggle that was his life.

Like how important it was to grab ahold of connection when it happened and hold on for as long as possible, because one never knew what horrible void might be waiting.

So Tony asked if Rhodey wanted to visit the mansion for spring break, thinking only about how well he would get along with Jarvis, and how very little time there was for them to meet.

Tony had never hated being right more than he had while sitting in Rhodey's lap listening to him argue with Aunt Peggy, in defense of _him_.

Tony had never felt loved by someone so distinctively _not family_ than when Rhodey backed up those words by literally standing with him and carrying him from the room.

It didn't make sense, but it was fine. Rhodey was just his platypus, one of a kind in defiance of any clear definition. Tony would just enjoy having him around for however long it ended up lasting, even if Rhodey still had boring ideas about the proper uses of a bed.

-= LP =-

Tony didn't really notice when other people started making _assumptions_ about how things were between him and Rhodey. It wasn't like he couldn't see why they might come to the conclusion that they were dating or something like it. By the end of the spring term after they met, Rhodey was spending most nights at Tony's apartment, and Rhodey refused to let Tony go to parties without him if he knew Tony was going. He would often chase off prospective partners, if he didn't like them, and more than once, they had publicly argued over the way Tony tended to bedhop.

That wasn't an accurate way of describing it. It grew increasingly rare for his activities to actually take place on a bed. It wasn't exactly a planned thing that Tony had set out to start restricting. It was just that after a while, Rhodey's incredibly boring ideas about beds might have sunk in a little. It just started to seem a bit of betrayal to lay in a bed with someone other than Rhodey (or Jenny, though she didn't cuddle the same way that her brother did and besides, she wasn't in Boston often, so there were less opportunities to sleep with her).

The feeling didn't make sense, not really, because despite everyone's assumptions, Tony and Rhodey _weren't_ together. Rhodey had made that clear from the start. Every time Tony had offered sex or even flirted with him, Rhodey translated to a request for some kind of physical touch but never anything like what Tony had just suggested. Tony would have been more upset about that if it wasn't the actual result he wanted from all the flirting but without the price that most of his partners needed to be paid first. That was _nice_ , even if it didn't make _sense_.

Then again, Rhodey was a platypus in a world of flamingos, and Tony was his koala-cat, so what did the opinions of the rest of the world matter? Tony wasn't going to let anyone spoil the little bit of time he had left before Rhodey finally left and got too busy to remember the annoying kid he hung out with at MIT. Maybe, if he was lucky, Mama Rhodes and Jenny would still talk to him afterwards, but Tony really didn't have much hope of that. No one ever stayed around unless they had to, and the Rhodes women didn't _need_ him, not at all. They were awesome all on their own.

It was a bit of surprise when Rhodey brought up noticing how Tony chose his partners. Tony had been certain that it was going to be the final straw, the last weird thing that made Tony too weird for Rhodey to continue to associate with. It wasn't like Tony didn't _know_ that it was weird, didn't know that a person was supposed to be able to look at another and _feel something_ even if only for one gender or type of person. He couldn't help it if something in him was broken or even freakish (a word that Howard only used when he was the deepest in his cups and Aunt Peggy only used when she thought he couldn't hear). It was just something he _was_ and even faking it usually didn't last long, because someone always noticed some aspect he tried to pretend didn't exist.

(There were times when he missed Ana so much. His Eym had always been so ruthless in her defense of those things which almost everyone else tried to change or mask. Jarvis had done his best and Dr. Wilkes had been amazing as well, but Eym had a way of being polite when telling the world to fuck off and if that didn't work, she had never been afraid take on _anyone_ , not even Aunt Peggy who had a tendency to shoot people who annoyed her too much.)

Rhodey hadn't been about to leave. Rhodey hadn't talked about how to _fix_ that part that didn't work like it was supposed to, like it worked in everyone else. Instead of offering recriminations on being different ( _in yet another way_ ), Rhodey had emphasized that there was nothing wrong and he wouldn't have brought it up at all if he had thought that Tony was truly comfortable with what he was doing. It all came back to that rule Rhodey had laid down shortly after pulling Tony out of a lab explosion for the first time: all that mattered was that Tony was safe.

Tony didn't know if it was possible to love someone that much and not be romantically involved with them, but what other word could he use to describe how he felt for Rhodey?

Pondering the question only kept him up on nights when Rhodey didn't stay over. On the nights when Rhodey was there, Tony felt too safe and comfortable for the anxious worry to catch hold of his thoughts.

He would miss that feeling when Rhodey left.

-= LP =-

Tony knew that this day had been coming since the moment he had met Rhodey. He had _known_ that Rhodey was only finishing up the next level of his degrees before doing another tour. He had _known_ how Rhodey felt about flying, and he had understood that Rhodey wasn't going to abandon the commission he had fought tooth and claw for because that commission got him up in the air. Tony _knew_ that Rhodey was likely to stay in the Air Force until the day he died or was forced to actually retire.

Rhodey had only asked Tony for one thing concerning his career: that Tony _not interfere_ with it.

So when it came time to see Rhodey off, Tony was determined to be careful, to not make the people checking Rhodey in have any reason to _question_ or _wonder_. People had assumed before, but at MIT, it wouldn't _hurt_ anything, wouldn't _risk_ a discharge that would steal Rhodey's wings. It didn't matter that it was a stupid rule. It didn't matter that Tony felt like he was already dying, not being able to hang off Rhodey like he normally would. He knew that Rhodey would have allowed it, because Rhodey _never_ turned him away.

But _not interfering_ was the _only thing_ that Rhodey had asked Tony to do, and Tony wasn't so ignorant of himself that he didn't already know that there wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for his platypus.

So Tony kept his hands to himself, kept his distance from his giant of a best friend to reduce temptation. He would have stayed away completely, but he wasn't strong enough to deny himself the last few minutes he would be in Rhodey's presence. Maybe it was a bit masochistic, but Tony never denied that he had a stupid habit of loving things that hurt him. Staring down a future where things returned to the lonely emptiness that was his life before that bathroom, only emptier because there would be no possibility of a Friday evening phone call from Jarvis, Tony could only soak up the sight and sound of Rhodey, keeping any response as brief as possible to better control the urge to flirt.

Rhodey had made _one request_ , and Tony was going to behave for once. _Just the once_ , he was going to be the type of person that his father wanted him to be and his Aunt Peggy saw in him. He could be the type to jump on the grenade, sacrifice himself and what he wanted, for another person. Tony would probably fuck it up, because that was kind of what he did, but this was for Rhodey and he would do anything for Rhodey or at least try. Rhodey wouldn't be too mad when he ruined this right? Maybe he would be able to fix it? Tony was good at fixing most kinds of messes—maybe not _himself_ , because honestly that was a lost cause, but like, other things, things he broke or ruined or okay, maybe things did have a teeny-tiny tendency to explode around him, but he'll maintain to his dying day that the tofu bunny was _not his fault_ —

"Hey, Tones," Rhodey interrupted his spinning thoughts. A hand cupped his chin, raising it. Tony knew what was coming, because why else would anyone what him to look up? Didn't people know how freaky they looked? Everyone always wanted him to look at their damn faces. He had thought that his platypus was _different_ — "Yeah, okay, that's not happening right now. Lemme just—"

Rhodey's hand slipped from Tony's chin to the back of his neck. Tony's breath hitched as his determination to not fuck up Rhodey's commission with his weird clinginess crumpled like one of U's attempts at origami. The hold was too familiar, too _safe_ , to fight, not even when Rhodey used the grip to pull Tony against him. Tony whined, aware of how this could look the military personnel watching, of how the idiots at MIT had always seen it. He should do the right thing and pull back, put a proper distance between them. He _should_ , because Rhodey had asked him to do _only one thing_ , and it really wasn't that much of a thing. He should be able to keep it together for just a few hours. He should be—

"Whatever you're thinkin' in that fluffy head of yours," Rhodey said, cutting through the thoughts again with a tone as sharp as a sword and a tightening of his grip, "you need to stop right now. You hear me, you damn koala?"

"Rhodey," Tony muttered. He winced at the sound of his own voice. It was _wrong_. He wanted to tell Rhodey that, because his platypus would want details—he always wanted to know things like that, which was weird, but it was Rhodey. He wanted to say more, wanted that _so much_ , but the words were _stuck_. They were stuck, and he wasn't even going to be able to say goodbye, was he? Rhodey was going to leave thinking that Tony didn't want to say goodbye, because he couldn't pull himself together enough to do something simple like talking.

"I've got you, Tones," Rhodey replied. With his index finger, Rhodey scratched at the dip behind Tony's ear. Then that same finger began tapping lightly with pauses in different intravals. Tony focused on that, because Rhodey wouldn't give him random numbers. That wasn't Rhodey's way. He always gave him a pattern to find. Tony leaned into Rhodey's chest as he clenched his fists at his side. He couldn't risk grabbing hold—he was being weird enough already. "Better, but you're still worrying over something and I really need you to stop, man. You're tying yourself in knots and it's hurting you. Can you tell me what matters most?"

"Rhodey," Tony whined, because he knew that word would come out and it had the benefit of being true, at least to him. Under his forehead, Tony felt Rhodey chuckled. Then he felt the pressure of a kiss against his hair and an accompanying breath. The tapping stopped for another scratch followed by a hard stroke.

"So _close_ , koala-cat," Rhodey scolded. "Try copying me, instead. What matters most, Tones?"

"That I'm safe," Tony managed, though it came out more question than statement. Rhodey hummed his approval and pressed another kiss to Tony's hair. That was when Tony heard it, a faint rustling of papers close by, close enough to be directly behind him. It should have worried him, because he hadn't heard someone approaching and now they were _close_. It should have worried him, but Rhodey was also there. Rhodey had him and there was nowhere safer than around Rhodey because what mattered most to Rhodey was that he was safe.

"I need you to look at something, koala-cat," Rhodey whispered. Tony couldn't help the whine he released at the thought of leaving the shelter of his cuddle. He knew it was ridiculous and childish and, yeah, even _freakish_ —even though Rhodey wouldn't like to hear him say that, not about himself, because it hurt him, but that was weird, wasn't it? It wasn't _normal_ to be hurt by words and—Rhodey squeezed the back of his neck suddenly, making Tony's thoughts stop in their tracks. "Yeah, no, whatever has you twisting like that needs to be ignored for a little bit, Tones. I need you to trust me and _focus_. I've got you and what does that mean?"

"That I'm safe," Tony repeated with more confidence. The words came easier as well, less like they were fighting their way around a blockade in his throat. He could do this, could do this last thing for Rhodey, because _nothing_ was as important as Rhodey, regardless of what Rhodey said.

The grip on his neck pulled him away from Rhodey's chest and immediately, Tony raised his hands, reaching ( _too late_ ) for Rhodey. Instead of getting handfuls of Rhodey's button-up, Tony ended up being handed a small stack of papers. He wanted to shove them away (being handed things meant _dropping them_ because he wasn't prepared for how they felt and Starks weren't supposed to be that weak) but this was Rhodey, which meant that he held on until Tony was definitely going to be able to take them, so that they didn't fall if he couldn't keep ahold of them. Rhodey wouldn't ever hand him anything that would _hurt_ either (and Tony wasn't going to think about the rare occasions when he had helped Howard in the mansion's lab, not today, not on Rhodey's big day, not when it would upset Rhodey).

To distract himself from that thought chain, Tony focused on the paperwork in his hands. He read through the dense legalese of the familiar military forms. He recognized what he was looking at—of course he did. Stark Industries was the chief contractor for the military. Howard had insisted that Tony memorize all forms relevant to the military years ago, because regardless of how much of a disappoint Tony continually was, he was still the only possible heir. But recognizing the forms didn't make the information filled in on it make any sense. In desperation, Tony raised his head to meet Rhodey's gaze.

"I told you that I've got you," Rhodey said, not wavering in the slightest in the conviction. "I love you, more than life itself. Do you really think I'd let the military stop that when there's such a simple solution? I may want to punch the guy for all the crap done in his name, but this was probably the best lasting effect of his idiocy."

"You can only designate one person as your Bucky Exception," Tony reminded him. He couldn't seem to get the words louder than a whisper, but Rhodey seemed to hear him just fine. Rhodey smiled at him, nodding as if in confirmation. Rhodey was pretty smart, but maybe he didn't understand. Tony tried again. "Platypus, sugarplum, you can't waste it on—what if you find someone else? Someone not—"

"Who else am I gonna find who thinks that _platypus_ is an actual insult?"

"I'm one of a kind," Tony said, echoing Rhodey's words from their first meeting. "Are you sure that—"

 _Are you sure that I'm worth this?_

Tony didn't want to ask the question aloud, because there was still a chance, however small, that the answer would hurt, that Rhodey would realize what a mistake this was.

"I told you, Tones," Rhodey answered the unspoken question, "you are ten times the likes of Captain _fucking_ America. I'll stand up to anyone who _dares_ to suggest otherwise. You are worth the world to me, you goddamn koala, and this just means other people are _warned_ about it. An entire army of Nazis and Hydra would be nothing compared what I would be willing to face to make sure you're safe."

"You really mean that," Tony said, letting the wonder seep into his tone. "You really mean it."

"Yeah, I mean it. I've got you, Tones, until the day we die. Everything else we can figure out along the way."

"Together?"

"Yeah," Rhodey agreed, pulling him back in for the cuddly embrace Tony had been denying himself all day, " _together_."

-= LP =-  
An Ending  
-= LP =-


End file.
